I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
