so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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