We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
