WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
