how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
My breasts were aching with rage.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
