I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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