ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
