my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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