A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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