He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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