jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
