I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He passed out mid-signature
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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