is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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