do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
