oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
