The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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