he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
