I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
