Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
