When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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