Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Randomize
