He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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