Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize