I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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