Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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