Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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