dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
