I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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