this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
