Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize