If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
