I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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