Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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