stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
