Whod you bang
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
