cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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