I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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