He is such a slut. More and more my type.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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