somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
