i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
