just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
