I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's shark week go big or go home
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
