I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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