im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Randomize
