i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
