you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize