I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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