how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
