I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
