Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize