I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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