please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
