I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dick very happy bro
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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