this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
