he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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