my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize
