Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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