It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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