forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
