o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
