It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
operation harelip BJ is a go
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
