i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
