I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
