FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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