You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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