Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize