you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Panties = found
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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