i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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