i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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