the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
