So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
