My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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